justin and i received a letter.
(for those who aren't Latter Day Saints and don't understand, forgive me. much of the following may not make sense. information can be found here or feel free to email me.)
maybe a little background- here and... a somewhat speedy version...
we met in a mountaineering class at UVU. he was very cute and i heard him talk about rock climbing... no guts, no glory- so i gave him my number. we dated, much to the chagrin of my parents... you see josh was older (8+ yrs) and wasn't active in my church and, and, and... the list went on. they didn't approve of him, so i of course continued to date him... (aging has not affected the stubbornness.) josh and i were together whenever other responsibilities didn't interfere. he said i love you first. i waited a few weeks. then thoughts of marriage followed... (after all i am female.)
two weeks before my 20th birthday (august 10 2002) i was married for eternity in temple of the Lord to an incredible man. tall, check. handsome, check. generous heart, double check.
mr. and mrs. brereton.
we worked hard, played harder. loved with all of our hearts.
a friend once pointed out everyone who knew josh considered him "a brother," not just a friend. josh gave everything and anything he had- time, energy, and money to anyone in need. he saw what made each person amazing.
josh made me feel amazing and powerful and loved.
then, during a church youth activity, he collapsed from a heart problem. (this is a story for another day, but i will share... one day.) his family and i were blessed with 5 more weeks to spend with josh before passed away on december 9, 2002. a day short of our four month anniversary.
years passed. i grew into myself. i learned about my passions, my dislikes and my limits.
and then came Justin. we met while working on a design project. we were friends... then we were more.
we dated for a year... then.
we were married in american fork canyon. october 5th, 2007. it was beautiful.
i love this man.
we were married civilly because of my previous sealing. but we looked forward to being sealed for eternity...
and so we jumped through hoops. did a few cartwheels. even a handstand or two... and we got the go ahead from these wonderful gentlemen.
The first presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
And i am filled with joy at the prospect of being with Justin forever. not even death will be able to separate us. i love him with a depth i didn't know was possible... and it continues to grow. i am beyond a lucky girl. i am blessed.
everyone agrees. it is so happy, so exciting.
but my heart is also broken... in order to be sealed to justin, my sealing to josh was canceled.
i know this is the best for our future family. i know i will be (and have already been) married to justin much longer. i know everything will work itself out. but it still hurts a little.
and so i write this... mostly for myself, but also to remember and honor my first marriage.
josh, thank you. you will always be a part of me. i love you.
justin, thank you. you are my now and i LOVE it. i love spending time with you. i love laughing with you. i love being held by you. i also love how well you understand my heart and accept the sealing topic is hard for me... thank you for being the one to ask if i was happy and understand when i shook my head and then nodded and then cried. i am enjoying "today" with you so much, i can't imagine the joy the future holds. i love you.
You're making me cry at work. Look at me. You are such a special person, you mean so much to me. I look up to you and admire you and think the world of you. Your story is one that I will always remember and will share with struggling girls (if that's okay) to show them that happy endings are possible. I love you like a sister :)
Posted by: Paige Evans | July 21, 2009 at 12:19 PM
Nichole. This must be a really bitter-sweet moment. I am so happy that you can be with Justin for time and for all eternity, but sad that you can't with Josh. I know Heavenly Father will make it possible for us to be with loved ones once again. :) AND that is BY FAR worth everything!! I know I don't know a lot about you, but if you need anything I'm just down stairs. :)
Posted by: Tedi Palmer | July 21, 2009 at 11:32 PM
Thanks for sharing that. I'm incredibly happy for you guys and can also very much understand your conflicted feelings. There are so many crazy sealing situations (for instance, Josh isn't sealed to his mom because he married a convert who hadn't yet been endowed and divorced him before they were sealed and she hasn't married since and you have to be married to be sealed to your child). Anyway, my point is that it's one of those subjects I just have to accept, have faith about, and believe that things will work out if we've done our best.
Posted by: Rachel | July 22, 2009 at 01:12 AM
Sorry, that should have been "SHE married a convert . . ." if it was a he, there would be a whole different reason for the lack of sealing. Obviously.
Posted by: Rachel | July 22, 2009 at 01:13 AM
Beautiful.
Love you, sweetie.
Posted by: Kari | July 22, 2009 at 08:48 AM
So happy for you both, although I understand only too well your distress. I think we have to do what you've already done: put it in Heavenly Father's hands, and have faith that everything will work out as it should. Your lovely Josh will have his happiness, as well as you and Justin. Our Father doesn't want his children to be miserable - as we wouldn't impose things on our children to make them miserable when circumstances are out of their control. Have faith, love well, be happy.
Posted by: Karen Norman | July 22, 2009 at 01:37 PM
wow nichole...what a touching story. you made me cry dangit! i'm so sad and so happy for you all at the same time..that is awesome that you have had two great loves.
Posted by: marci | July 22, 2009 at 02:09 PM
wow- what an amazing story! very touching :)
Posted by: shan | July 23, 2009 at 08:36 PM
Nichole & Justin, I know with all my heart The Lord will not leave Josh hangin. Josh was a good man on this earth, but needed so much more to do important work in Heaven. You never know... My precious Christopher & Josh maybe climbing high on beautiful mountains. My other precious son Justin had such hard and heart wrenching time, as you know his blessing is to marry & be sealed in the Temple. Although, it does not say when. The request would not have been granted if not what was to be. Abundant blessings & love to both of you and someday children born in the covenant. I do not doubt our Heavenly Father's plans, though so very hard and I don't always understand.I have also told you the. older I get the less I feel I know (about anything)
Love you both sooo much.
Posted by: Lori Wright | July 25, 2009 at 06:49 PM
what a lovely story, nichole. thank you for sharing. praying for you & many blessings to you both during this exciting time!
Posted by: nichole | August 15, 2009 at 09:47 PM
I can't believe I never commented here... I think i read it in my google reader then I forget to click through and leave one...
but thanks for sharing this with us and I am so happy that you found Justin...
You have such strength!
xo
liz
Posted by: liz kartchner | August 18, 2009 at 11:55 AM
wow! what an amazing, emotional roller coaster you've been on. you guys have such an incredible story. I can't wait for October for you both.
HUGs
Posted by: Jefra | August 24, 2009 at 04:15 PM